I have to tell everyone that today I lost my darling, darling Harry cat - he was killed by a car today. I'd been calling and calling him all night, and in fact went out driving around the neighbourhood twice during the night and could not find him - he was always one of those cats who would come when he was called. And he never came home.Then in the morning, I went looking for him with Mark. I just knew. Then I found him by the side of the road, and someone had killed him with their car. Harley has lost his brother, and I have lost my baby and I am desperately, deeply sad. Mark took him away when I collapsed after I found Harry, and a very kind lady looked after me. I never saw her face, I was crying too hard. This is the second Christmas this has happened - last year it was Bailey on Christmas Day, today it is my sweet boy.
He was an adventurer, a brave boy, a clever boy, with the longest tail on a cat you could ever imagine - he would always be in the studio with me when I worked, he would have this funny way of stretching all the way up to the kitchen surfaces when I was cooking - he'd put his front paws on my legs and s-t-r-e-t-c-h and then ask me for something to eat. He'd always wait for me to tell him to eat his dinner before he began eating - so polite. He seemed to walk on his toes all the time - so I used to call him Harry Tippytoes. He and Harley would wash each other every night, and he and his brother would follow me around everywhere. He got into all sorts of scrapes with Harley, but we never thought he wandered as far as the road. Naive, perhaps, but there you go. Its terrible because we bought this house believing our cats would be safe. Too awful for words. Just heartbroken. Again.
So sorry to hear of your loss. Although I expect time has helped heal some of that loss, it's not something you ever forget. I couldn't stop crying for simply ages after our cat Daisy died, and although we knew that we would have to say goodbye to her (she had bone cancer in her jaw and only had a few months to live) it was still the hardest thing to do. That was nearly two years ago and I still miss her. So I know after reading your December blog, just how heart broken you must have felt. Sending kinds thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jen, I appreciate your comment. It still hurts, and there is still a large Harry sized hole in our house. Sending all my love to you, I have been in a similar situation to you and your Daisy, and I am quite sure they know and understand at the end, I also believe that although it is the hardest thing to do, it is the ultimate kindness we can show them in thinking of them rather than ourselves. Sending good thoughts and love x
ReplyDeleteGosh I really feel for you. That's exactly how it still feels here, I can't even put her basket away yet! I've tried a couple of times and feel it's not right yet. You are lucky in a way that you have other cats, I can't even contemplate another one yet. I keep telling myself, stop being such a 'silly cow'! Thanks for the lovely message, I love the photos of your other cats, they are all beautiful. And Merlin of course!
DeleteHi Jen,please don't feel 'silly' for feeling dreadful after your own loss. It's not silly for loving and not silly for feeling terrible when you lose that love, and please don't let anyone make you feel it is. When we have loved and we lose what we have loved, we have to grieve and that takes time. Whether it's a human or an animal that we lose, its the same. Harley cat is still grieving - I can see him looking so sad sometimes and I can only be there for him and try and help him through it. I never forget the ones I lose, but eventually you remember more of the happy times rather than the sad ones - but that takes time, and sometimes a long time. I know how it is to be left with an empty basket and an empty home, which is why we went from one cat to several. Its so very hard to go out and re-adopt when the empty basket is there at home, and it's easier to come home to the other cats in the family when the 'terrible thing' happens. In time, I am sure, you will re-adopt. One thing I know about cat people is, regardless of what has happened, we always have love to give, and out there is your special cat someone, your next love, looking for you - but I'd advise always - adopt two, three, or four, and then your heart will ache just a tiny bit less when you have to come home it again. Sending love and good thoughts to you, I feel for you.
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